Author : Annie Kaszina
The proverbial can of worms – otherwise known as the hideous residue of our ghastly experiences - is, according to one definition, a 'source of unforeseen and troublesome complexity'.It's something we all expect to have. Standard issue for all human beings are a birthright and a can of worms. The birthright we sometimes have to fight for; the can of worms we'd rather not look at. After all, unless you enjoy fishing, it's not a very attractive image.But it is a powerful one. Two clients this week spoke to me fearfully about their cans of worms. Despite having correctly identified the contents – worms – they remain seriously frightened of what they'll find if they only look (worms). They also don't know what to do with it.Now, I'm writing this because I believe that everyone, pretty well, has or has had, their very own can of worms. And most people have no idea how to deal with it.It's one of those occasions when the power of an image stymies us. Because we don't realise that we can play with that image any way we like. In fact, if an image can block us, we can also move ourselves forward by the ways that we rework that image.So, if you've ever given headspace to that 'can of worms' image, I'd like to ask you to visualize can and contents for a moment. How big is the can? Does it have a label on it? Is the can upright? How far open is the lid? How full is it? What colour are the worms? Are they big or small? Any colours? Distinguishing features? Name tags?No, I don't seriously expect them to have name tags. It was just to show that you always have the right to be playful, whatever you're thinking about.You see, the way you think about things can seriously affect the power they have over you.It takes real courage to acknowledge your own can of worms and it's always a first step towards healing. The problem lies with the second step. And this is where it gets interesting.Because you acknowledge your can of worms, it doesn't mean you have to own it. Or even if you have owned it for a while, that doesn't mean you have to stick with it for all your natural life. After all, you've owned cars and all sorts of possessions, until the day you parted company.Inasmuch as it's your can of worms, it's yours to do with what you will. You own it. It doesn't own you.A few weeks ago, I had a Bad Garbage Day. I was putting out the garbage and I had one of those rare moment when I truly missed the ex-husband. Albeit for all of two seconds. But he was exceptionally good at the nasty things in life.Clearly, my garbage management had been below par that week as I'd opened the bin to discover a community of maggots. I responded in true girlie fashion with a shriek fit to shatter the neighbour's conservatory windows, ran for the latex gloves, the insecticide, boiling water…
When I'd applied all the measures I could think of, I dragged the bin to the front of the house. Instead of lifting the black bin bag out as I normally do, I turned the bin on its side and eased it out. Then I turned the bin upside down (not without a few shrieks and shudders, I'll admit). The maggots that I hadn't destroyed slithered out, shrivelled slightly in the light of day for a few moments and then disappeared. Not to be seen again.What's to stop you doing the same with your can of worms? What's to stop you turning it on its side and letting the worms slide out and into the light of day and oblivion? Once ejected from their cozy, packed environment they won't be long for this world.You've lived the experience, you've suffered the pain, but you don't need to keep on owning past fears and humiliations. You've been there, done that and got the T shirt. You are deserving of respect and consideration for the person that you are. Period. You don't need to keep wearing the T shirt. It is only a T shirt and there are a load of other garments in which you will look and feel better.Sometimes, when things are bad enough, it gets so that you think that you have become that can of worms, that that can of worms is your identity and if it's taken away from you, there'll be nothing left. Not so.That can of worms merely exercises a horrible fascination for you. Why not replace it with a vision of something that sustains you - like a small, or not so small, beautiful, growing plant that represents your spirit.(C) 2006 Annie KaszinaAnnie Kaszina Ph D, is a coach and writer who has helped hundreds of women to rebuild their confidence and their life after an abusive relationship. Annie is the author of "The Woman You Want To Be". This ebook will teach you how you can love yourself first, so that you can create strong self-belief and build the fulfilling future you're looking for on firm foundations.To find out more and sign up to Annie's free bi-monthly ezine visit www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com You can email Annie at: annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.comFeel free to reprint this article on your website or in your ezine, just include the resource box.
Keyword : can of worms, beating past fears, humiliations, visualizing, choose an image, healing, identity
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